Once you go black…

In my first post I laid out three points a transwoman shared.  She helped me understand why I might have trouble meeting quality transwomen. These points she suggested would thwart my desire to settle down with a trans woman.

Colloquialisms aside, she argued, most attractive white transwomen are not interested in “going black.” Those that are are chasing the BBC fallacy.

Jungle Fever

Ok, I’m black.

Racial politics has, and for some, time will likely continue to be an issue. Especially in the United States. How much more so in marginalized subcultures? Indeed, in the black community itself, racial politics rages. Taboo to talk about in the black community, skin color bias plays out between those who are “high yellow” and “pitch black”. 

Other countries aren’t immune. In India, for example, southern Indians are treated differently than their northern counterparts. So too in some countries in South America. Darker skin is often lesser-desired.

If racial politics are so widespread, why would I expect its absence in the trans community?

One word: Hypocrisy

Few minority groups exist today that experience discrimination in the way trans people do. Even among the LGBT community it appears to me that trans people remain in the “back of the bus” compared to other rainbow members. I would think trans community members would thereby consider the possibility that discounting someone as a possible mate because of their skin color is no less egregious than choosing not to hire someone because they are transgender.

That was before I realized and owned perspectives which reveal my own hyposcrisy.

You see, I have rarely dated black cis-women. Why? Because I find I have more in common with women of European descent. My spirituality, personal secular interests and worldview are shaped predominantly by the dominant culture - having been raised in southern California most of my formative years.

So when I date women of color, my experience is that I’m not “seen” for what and who I am. When I am, it is often with disdain for being an “oreo”.

Reflecting on my preferences (and there are many, the least of which is a natural desire to be with a transwoman) how can I begrudge a woman who desires a man who is not black? So long as it is her preference, I must respect her choice, mustn’t I?

All I can hope is a transwoman whose preferences exclude me as a potential mate are expressing a natural desire. Not a decision derived from stereotypes, cliches, or bad past experiences or horror stories from others coloring present and future possibilities.

I wish it could be that love is color blind. The sad truth is, it can be. Most of the time, though its sight is colored. Unfortunately for me, in the majority of cases it appears that color is white.